Wednesday, May 9, 2012

today

today. well, it was a ... day. i had horrible dreams last night (stress-filled, anxious, all about work dreams- kind of nightmares, actually) and could not get motivated to peel myself away from snuggle bug finn and actually make it to work on time. i yelled (like actually- raised my voice - loudly and angrily- not something i normally do) at one of my co-worked in our managers meeting (he deserved it) but then spent all day feeling guilty and avoiding him (knowing i must eventually apologize). i was panicked to wrap a bunch of stuff up and leave early in order to drive jeff to the airport (he is headed to vancouver until sunday). then spent over an hour stuck in traffic trying to get home. i finally settled on drive-thru onion rings and french fries for finn and my dinner (shhhhhh, it will be our little secret) and am now sitting on the couch with an onion ring tummy ache watching the clouds roll in and the rain begin to trickle down. but the good part of all this bummer sounding day? I get to spend the next four days (not working) alone with my sweet little boy!! i have really been feeling overwhelmed lately (i know, i have been talking about it a lot. thanks for listening) and have had a bit of a tough time copping with missing so much time with finn - i will admit openly that being the one that works full-time is actually pretty emotionally challenging for me. its always been that way - from the first day i went back to work after my maternity leave and every week after, i get a little choked up (usually daily) about being away from finn so much. don't get me wrong, i can not even express how TRULY grateful i am that jeff is able to be home with him - they have such an incredible relationship, finn is sooooo well-rounded being so comfortable and balanced with both of us, and jeff is beyond amazing with him, but, naturally, my heart aches from time to time that i miss so much. BUT not right now! the next four days... oh my!! just finn and i - reconnecting, bonding, snuggling, forgetting about everything else, and going on some seriously fun adventures - just the two of us! of course we will miss jeff dearly, but a little one on one time couldn't have come at a better time.


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